Now that your child is firmly ensconced in her adolescent life, it may seem like the perfect time to "take a break" from active parenting; her behavior may be signaling that she'd like you to bug off anyway. But now is a very important time for you to stick around: Research shows that the more involved a child's parent is during her adolescent experience, the less likely the child is to find solace in drugs, early sexual experimentation or other potentially dangerous activities.

LANGUAGE
Your child begins to:
See connections between the novels she reads for school and her own life. This habit can be an outgrowth of adolescent egocentrism, but it's also useful as an incentive to continue reading.

  • Add new and more complex words and expressions to his vocabulary. Try not to chuckle if he uses a word that seems too advanced to fit the situation ("That burrito was splendiferous"); at least he's trying.

  • Be able to determine whether something is fact or opinion.

  • Use a variety of literary techniques in her writing - including suspense, dialogue, episodes and flashbacks - looking to spice up their stories with elaborate twists and turns.

    MATH
    An eighth-grader will:

  • Be able to do complex inversions between different mathematical functions. For example, she'll know the additional percent of apples needed to make a 10-inch pie into a 12-inch pie. Another example: If the 1/2-pound burger costs $5.75, what would be a fair price for the 1/3-pound burger?

  • Be familiar with geometry terms (diameter, radius, circumference, parallel, etc.).

  • Represent the same algebraic function in different ways: as a graph, a set of ordered pairs, in algebraic rule or in a written statement.

  • Figure out the rules of chance in statistics: For example, he'll be able to figure out the odds of rolling a 12 on two numbered cubes.

    SOCIAL
    You'll notice your child:

  • Wanting to be a member of a peer group. By fitting in with a group of friends, she will have proof of her acceptance and be privy to accepted standards of behavior, dress and musical preference: You name it, she'll try to conform to it. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; she needs to learn the "rules" of teenage life in order to feel control over her social existence. The biggest downside to hanging out within a group is the increased possibility that she'll be introduced to risky behaviors such as experimental drug and alcohol use.

  • Assuming that his peers are watching - and evaluating - his every move. Therefore, waking up with a pimple can be a tragedy ("Everyone is going to make fun of me!"), while he could expect that his new skateboard will provoke a standing ovation ("The guys are gonna freak when they see this!"). Meanwhile, they're all just as preoccupied with themselves so that in the end they hardly notice each other.

  • Usually "dating" in groups. Since the group is the focal point of all social activity in eighth grade, dating usually either springs from a relationship within a mixed-sex group or is actually done all together. It's not uncommon to see triple or quadruple dates, for instance, which decrease the chance of sexual intimacy. This tends not to be the case if there's a significant age difference between the girl and boy: Middle-school girls are sometimes "asked out" by high school boys, who can seem more mature and exciting.

    EMOTIONAL
    You may sense your adolescent is:

  • Forming a strong opinion of what's right and wrong. While moral certainty will help guide her through troubling times, she can seem rigid in her beliefs and see things only in black-and-white terms. Your arguments could begin with her declaration that you are simply "wrong" about something, then refuse to listen to your explanation.

  • Wanting to assert his independence. He has started to see himself as an individual and a member of a peer group, as opposed to "just one of the family." His desire for freedom from the family can manifest itself in his refusal to come to the table for dinner on time, or sulking through an otherwise happy event, such as a relative's birthday party.

  • Shifting between wanting to be responsible for herself and asking to be "babied." This springs from a basic misunderstanding: When she says "responsible," she probably means, "I can stay out as late as I want because I'm responsible enough to take care of myself." When you say "responsible," you probably mean, "Feed the puppy we bought for you with the understanding that you'd be responsible for his care."

    PHYSICAL
    Girls
    In general, a girl's growth spurt starts when she's about 9. It ends within a year of her first period, which is now at a national average of 12 1/2 years old. Her breasts are growing from the "bud" stage of the preteen years. To prevent anemia, adolescent girls need extra iron in their diets once they begin menstruating.

    Boys
    In general, a boy's growth spurt starts when he's about 13. He can be chubby before he starts to grow taller, and then he can seem too thin. Hair is now visible in armpits, on legs and arms, and a slight mustache will form. His sweat glands are changing, and he will probably want to start wearing deodorant. Boys can use extra iron in their diets to aid muscle growth and development.

    CHALLENGES

  • 6 million teenagers are sexually active by age 15 - probably your child's next birthday. Their reasons for having sex, according to a Planned Parenthood poll: peer pressure, 34 percent of girls, 26 percent of boys; sexual gratification, 0 percent of girls, 11 percent of boys; love, 11 percent of girls, 6 percent of boys.

  • Your child may start to be more openly rebellious and rude to his parents in particular, but it will probably be relatively immature rebellion: telling you he will clean up his room, then not doing it, for instance.

  • Her moral rigor will cause your teenager to test every belief you hold sacred, including those about sex, drinking, drugs, politics, manners and money.

  • Schools often track kids according to their perceived academic ability; if your child doesn't make it to the class for the "smart" students, he may take that as an indication that he shouldn't even try to succeed in school.

    HOW TO HELP

  • Encourage him to read books or rent videos that pertain to his life stage, then try casually talking to him about the parallels - or lack thereof - he noticed between it and his experiences. The more open-minded you appear, the more he's likely to reveal to you; you could be providing him with the opportunity to tell you something he's been wanting to.

  • Help her come down to earth by encouraging her to get a part-time job or summer internship or to volunteer for a local organization. Being exposed to the "real world" may give her a foothold out of her myopia and show her that life doesn't end after high school.

  • Give him choices about the family occasions you ask him to attend: Allow him to decide where he gets to sit (the "kids table" is never a happy place for a 14-year-old), what he eats and what he wears. By giving him a sense of control over his personal preferences, he won't feel as coerced into joining you at the event.

  • You may want to consider giving her an allowance for personal hygiene products: She might not want to tell you which brand of tampons or pads she prefers, for instance, or hear you complain about how many hair products she uses. If you give her a set monetary limit, however, you know that she isn't going overboard, and she gets to protect her privacy.


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